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Friday, April 15, 2011

I got out my summer clothes and cried.....



I Got Out My Summer Clothes and Cried
 
The top two are my 3x and the bottom one is 20.



....and to think these are only 20s  I was wearing up to a 3X or 26!!!

this is me in size 16 and shirt is a large!


I did not think these would fit...just grabbed them to show in picture as my next goal...They fit!  they are size 14!!!! My first pair of size 14 pants!!!!!YEAH!!!!!
This morning Dave wanted to wear shorts, so I went to the closet to get out our summer clothes.  I did not think it would be a difficult thing...but it was.  As I looked in the plastic tote of summer clothes so many memories came flooding back to me.  I pulled out a black and silver shirt and remembered when I went to visit mom in it.  I walked in and she was talking on the phone.  She stopped and said, "Oh wow, you should see what Kathleen is wearing today...she looks so pretty!"  I pulled out my top that I always wore over my swim  suit.  I remember how I would go over to Karen's house and swim my laps as mom was laying in bed sick. I needed that release. I remembered how Marcy came with me and cheered me on. Then I pulled out the shirt from when I had gone to see her for a visit, and I just could not leave her alone.  I ran to Rite aid and picked up this t-shirt.  Then there was the shirt that I got matching ones with my sissy when she was up to spend time with mom. Then I pulled out the blue one that I wore when we did our singspiration in moms room that last Saturday.  I remember how the whole family was gathered around her bed the day before she died .I remember how mom looked from face to face and had a smile for each one of us. Then I pulled out the one that I said goodbye to my mom in for the last time...

I could not stop the tears as they came down dropping on each one of those close that held such precious memories. I can not believe it has been seven months....seven months that flew by quicker then I could blink.  I remember snuggling up to mom in the middle of the night. I hated leaving her alone at night when she was struggling to breath.  So many times I would just ask her if I could snuggle in with her.  I would tell her that I was too tired to drive home. Both of us knew what was going on....we just needed to be together.  I remember holding her  and saying, "What am I going to do without you mom....You are my best friend...I need you!"  She would look at me and said,  "You will make it honey....and I will always be there cheering you on..."  I would have loved to walk in her door today and show her what Dave and I have done.  She would have been so proud of us.  I can picture the smile on her face as she would see how much weight we have lost. We are changed people.
Yes we have lost weight, but more then that, we have been on a journey to transformation.  We have been transformed inwardly as well as outwardly.  God is doing something awesome in my family.  I thank God that mom was there for the first stages of our journey. I knew how proud she was of us. She loved us all so much. As I held each of those clothes for the last time I realized we have been on a journey.  We have beat all odds and changed.  The best part of that plastic stacky of clothes is not one of them fit us....I can not believe we ever fit into 46-48 waist and 3XL for me!  It is something I never want to go back to.  Even the smallest pair of shorts were huge on Dave.  None of them fit either of us.  My clothes were way to big for me.  I never have to put on any of those clothes again.

 I have my memories tucked away in my heart. I know that mom has left a  legacy that each one of her kids will carry on.  We have a love for God, and a love for each other that is growing stronger every day.  Every two weeks all the brothers and sisters have a conference call.....we talk for at least 1 hour to 1 1/2 hours. Some of it is business, but most of it is just getting to know one another.  It is a wonderful time of sharing that we never had before. Mom and dad would be soo proud.  We also have spent weekends at mom's house fixing it up to sell. Those days were priceless.  We are getting closer.  That is what would have made mom proud.  Each of us have our special memories with mom and dad that have made us who we are today... I am just thankful that we had such Godly parents! Thankful that each of us have changed for the better...and that we each have memories that we can always pull out and look at whenever we want....and unlike the clothes...those memories will always be a perfect fit!

3 comments:

  1. I love you, and I love this post. Thanks for sharing. I heard You Raise Me Up again today and had tears in my eyes. I am so thankful for all my aunts, uncles, and cousins. I love each of you sos much!

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  2. Kathleen, I know your mom is so proud of you. She was when you just began your journey and to see what you have accomplished physically, emotionally, spiritually while leading others through their journey it's just amazing!!! Go get em Love ya

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  3. Oh Kathleen. This one absolutely made me cry. And you look absolutely stunning--no gut! Wow, wow, wow. You are absolutely beautiful. I'm so proud of you that I could pop :-) Can't wait to see you again!!

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