It was an honor to spend time with you.

Out of seven kids I was the only one that lived within an hour of mom's house. Which meant as my kids grew up my family would go and help with the lawn, help with cleaning and help with whatever needed done.  My kids loved their time with grandma.  She made everything special.  They have wonderful memories of treasure hunts, playing in pond, walks with grandma, and building teepees, or  tree houses with her.  She would put on a movie and love to hear my son and husband laugh so hard. She was a very special lady.  Mom would sometimes apologize for having us work so hard...but my response was always, "It was an honor to spend time with you!"  We didn't mind. We loved our time with  mom.   

 When my mother was sick during the last six months of  her life we would go visit her often. Although she had one of those life alert necklaces it was me she called when she needed help.  I got to the point that I could make the 35 min trip in 22 minutes as I flew over the Boston hills praying she was ok.  The one time I got there and the phone was off the hook, the cord was wrapped around the fallen chairs and she had crawled to the utility room to get her portable O2...because the other one was so wrapped up she couldn't use it.  I cried as I untangled her and held her in my arms...So afraid that the outcome could have been so different. She would say "You came...I am sorry honey"  and I would look at her and say "It was an honor to help you mom!" and I was thankful I had another day with her. 

 Many times I would tell Dave that I just need to go spend the morning with my momma. I would go there and she would make cinnamon toast and tea.  I would ask her what she wanted to do today and she would give me a list and we would get it done.  As it got towards evening and her coughing got worse I would call Dave and tell him "I cant leave her in this house alone tonight"  I looked at mom and said I am too tired to drive home, do you mind if I spend the night?" She would smile and say, "A sleepover, wont that be fun!" We would make dinner, have tea and just talk . I would help her get ready for bed and head to my bed in grandmas room next door.  As I heard her coughing and struggling to breath in the middle of the night I went to her.  "I am to lonely to sleep in grandmas room...do you mind if I sleep in here?"  She would smile and hold up the covers as she did when I was a child.  She would snuggle up to me and just keep saying I am so cold, thank you honey..."  I would look at her and say "It is an honor mom"  As I think of the last time I did that I wonder what it would have been like if, instead of not excepting she was dying I had embraced it. I had so many questions I wanted to ask...but I would not admit that she was dying. It was not until the last few weeks of her life, as my sissy and I sat in the doctors room and mom said, "Can you tell my girls how I am really doing" and the doctor looked at us and said, "Your mom is dying and it wont be long", that I realized I really an not going to have much time with my mom.  The week before my sissy came was the last week that I was able to snuggle with my momma.  Family started pouring in and she died once everyone was there to say goodbye to her. 

I always wondered what it felt like to be mom. To have someone spend undivided time with just you.  Yesterday I got to find out. My son told my husband that he wanted to spend time with him and do a Lord of the Rings movie marathon.  I didn't really know what that meant but as the day approached my husband and son were both so excited about it.  Brandon was at my door at seven am the morning of the "Great movie marathon"  He told me it was 20 hours of movies. I thought they were both crazy.  We ran to Walmart and I got snacks, and everyone's favorite things.  I was so exhausted from just doing over 100 balloon cups...so at first I was a little grumpy.  I thought it was just a guy thing and knew nothing of  Lord of the Rings so I decided to go shopping. As I am shopping I see a post from Brandon...Second movie down...4 more to go...and I wrote..."Do you miss me?"   He wrote back, "Yes, are you coming home? I have everything ready for us to play Lord of the Rings Risk?  It was then I realized that this was for me too.  I hurried home and we watched Lord of the Rings as we played Lord of the Rings Risk. Every time it mentioned a place Brandon would point out on the game the place that they were.  They were trying to get back home.  It took 20 hours of movies to do it...but they did eventually do it.  We laughed and played in a way we never had before.  As I was in the kitchen Brandon came to rub my back.  I turned around and thanked him for spending time with us... and how much it meant to me, just as my mom did many years ago.  I realized I now know how it felt.  I was honored by my son.  He has such a busy life. With work, a beautiful wife, a toddler, and a new born he really did not have time to spend with us.  He decided it was important and did it. Dave and him stayed up from 8am till 4am laughing together.   It was a gift that he gave. I thanked him and he said, "thank you, you bought all the food and stuff" .  I looked at him and said, "The money for that was not important. The time we spent was..." It was so worth it.  As we went to bed my husband looked at me and said, "That was so  much fun! I didn't think anyone wanted to spend time with me...he wanted to be here, That was awesome." He too felt the specialness of the gift of time.

As I look at my last post I realize that it is exactly a year from today.  So many crazy things have happened in this last year. That was the start of the corona .  I wish I had written down all the amazing things that have happened in this past year.  God has provided in so many ways.  I started out so strong. I decided I was going to really get into God's word and spend quality time with God every morning. My daily devotions went from reading one chapter to sometime reading 30 chapters a day. My prayer time was growing, so I would spend sometimes over an hour in prayer. I felt so close to God and saw daily miracles.  It was amazing.  There were times when we would get a bill and we had no way to pay it and we would come home and see a gift bag on the porch with $200 in it.  I would open up the mail and there would be a check for  $500 in it.  I am still amazed at how my father God took care of Dave and I this past year. We have had no viable income for over a year, yet every bill is paid.  I honestly believe it was because I was spending daily time with the father God and he was showing us his favor.  

This last year I have gotten a little lost. We have been receiving unemployment and frankly got lazy.  Sunday morning we went to church up town.  One song touched me in particular.  The words were that God Longs to spend time with you.   Two days ago I received a call from Jeanette. She is a wonderful lady who God gave me after my mom died.  She was involved in Women's Aglo with mom and she just sorta showed up after she died.  She has over these past ten years become a wonderful friend, a prayer worrier, and a second mom to me.    I felt honored that the father God would take the time to lay me on someone's heart.  It was an awesome feeling.  When she calls me honey, I tear up because it reminds me of mom so much.  We had not talked since January and she said God laid me on her heart, so she has been praying for me and wanted to see how I was doing. When I told her I felt a little lost she asked me how my Bible reading and devotions were going.  When I told her she said, "Oh honey, you were doing  so well you so well, you were such and inspiration to me.  You can get it back. "

Last night I received a text from someone I have not seen or talked to in years...decades.  She said she was going through her stuff and found a letter my mom wrote her. Here are her words.  "I just found an old letter your Mom wrote me in 1976. I was 16. It was filled with much love and caring on a day when I needed it. Both of your parents had such an impact on my life. I am so grateful for her love of Jesus. I am going to try to do the Bible in in year again!" Just wanted to share this with you! As I saw moms handwriting my tears started to come. She had sent her a Daily Bible Reading guide.  and a tiny bible with  these verses circle..."The fruit of the Spirit is Love, Joy, Peace.  She wrote these words.  "These are the things we must have. Love, Joy and Peace to serve our God to the fullest. I want these things and I want you to have all this too. Love  Mrs. P Burke" My response to her after thanking her for sending it to me was this, "I have gotten a little lost this year, but God keeps putting people in my life to remind me that he misses our awesome morning visits.  Thank you for this it means so much to me."

I know this is a long post but it is such an important one.  Every one of us, just like in the Lord of the Rings wants to go home.  Where it is safe, where we are loved and where we know we are completely accepted.  God longs so much to spend time with you.  I have corner in my living room that was my prayer place.  It was sacred because it was where I would pour out my heart to my father God.  He would meet me there and fill me with His Love, His Joy, His peace... Just like it was an honor for me to spend time with my mom, how Brandon honored us by carving out a time in his life for us, and how God keeps placing  me on peoples hearts....he wants us to come home.  The words to the song, "Softly and tenderly Jesus is calling, Calling for you and for me, Come home, come home, ye who are weary come home..."  This year has made many of us weary... It has been a long hard year.  We need to realize that we are not alone. 

We went on a date in the midst of the corona virus

I'm not sure about any of you but it seems that  Life as we know it has disappeared in the last 2 weeks. If you would have told me 2 weeks ago that there's no toilet paper, chicken, or loaf of bread to be found within 20 miles of my house I would have laughed. If you were to told me that schools and churches would close down and we are not supposed to leave our house 2 weeks ago I would have thought  that you were crazy. Life has changed so much.
We were so looking forward to today. Today would have been the day we got our baby chicks and ducklings for our 1st Easter shows that were booked for this weekend. I love the sound of the chicks and ducks in our living Room.  We have a special cage we always put them in with the heat lamp.  The best thing is to just sit and hear them chirping and playing. I would come down in the morning turn the fire on and just relax in my chair and listen to that wonderful noise.
That's not going to happen this year. 
2 weeks ago the chrona virus hit the United States.  At first everyone joked about it and said it was nothing to worry about. Then schools got shut down and life got scary and it began to seem very real. Then came the cancelations of our shows. 1st the nursing homes canceled because government shut down any visitors going into nursing homes. I panicked a little bit but knew we had lots of shows at day cares and libraries so we would be fine. In the 3 weeks before Easter we should have made $10,000. I work so hard to book those shows and was so proud that I made it to the $10,000 mark. That was my goal.  A few days later the government shut down all of the schools in all of the United States. I could no longer sub until our busy time. That also meant that our schools were canceled. I looked at our schedule and said OK we can still make it we have daycares and libraries. But then daycares started calling because the parents were just keeping all of their children at home as long as they had their school age kids. Next came the cancelations of the libraries is a government shutdown the library's. As I look at my calendar now every single show is crossed off.  Part of me wants to panic, part of  me went to scream why, and part of me doesn't know what to do. I try not to panic but we literally have no money and no way to make income.
Tonight Dave took me on a date. We are not allowed to go anywhere where other people are so we took a trip down memory lane. We took a drive to the reservation because gas is about half of what it is here.  Only $1,35 a gallon. We 1st passed my parent's house where I grew up. My daddy built that house. We saw the playhouse we played as children and  all the memories started pouring in. We the pass my uncle's house where we're always went sledding. Next was my cousin's house where we played in the woods.  We went into the village of Angola and Dave shared about all the people  that he knew. He shared memories from his childhood that I didn't even know. We passed the house where I was pregnant with my youngest daughter.  It was there that we brought home from the hospital. Next was the house that Dave grew up in. It was this house that I went  to when we were first were dating, the house where I got my first kiss from my honey at 16. We just kept driving and remembering and laughing. After we got gas we drove up to our 1st house. We had and old trailer and lived in a trailer park . We love living there. We thought it was a mansion. We were so in love and so poor but we are so happy. We talked about the kids that we useds to bring the church from the trailer park. We talked about all the memories, and we laughed. As we pulled into the driveway to our house that we've lived in for the past 20 some years, we felt like we had gone on a date. It was wonderful.  That night as we took our walk around the block we held hands and felt more in love than ever. These are scary times people. When Peter was walking on water he only started to sink when he took his eyes off from Jesus. When you feel like you are sinking and this craziness is overcoming you, take the time to just remember all the good times in your life. Remember the people that have meant so much to in your life.  Remember all the things you have overcome. Realize that this craziness is here just for a season. We will overcome it, we will stand strong and we will laugh and smile again.
My favorite verse is  Joshua 1:9
Be strong and courageous do not be afraid. Do not be discouraged For the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.

Healing my abused heart through art

https://m.facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=10221053560718485&id=1526989988

A piece of cinnamon toast a slice of the past
From as long as I could remember my mother used food to make us feel better. She was a giver. Her love language was making us something special to eat. I never realized how much that would affect me in my later life. Food became my comfort. Food became my reward for a job well done. Food became my way of knowing I was loved. There was nothing wrong with what mom did, it's just I allowed it to become a crutch as I was growing up.
  My husband and I are not sick very often. We are certainly not sick very often together. This last week both of us caught a stomach virus that stopped us dead in our tracks for 3 days. We literally did nothing but go from bed to couch to bathroom to back to bed for the last 3 days. Yesterday I woke up finally feeling like I was going to make it. I open up the windows in the house, cleaned, and filled the house with essential oils. I really had not eaten anything in three days. As I was there sitting on the couch I wanted something then I hadn't had for a long time. A piece of cinnamon toast. See my mom was one of those wonderful ladies that when make you feel so special when you are sick. She would mix eggnog and cinnamon toast and arrange the plate just right... so you knew you were loved. All I can think of is that's what I wanted. As I went to the kitchen and pulled out my whole grain bread and slipped it into the toaster I remembered all the times that Mom fixed us our cinnamon toast. I don't have any real sugar in the house so I grabbed my Stevia and made my cinnamon toast on the whole grain bread.  As I  took my first bite I was expecting so much. Sorry, it just wasn't moms cinnamon toast. It didn't do anything for me. Dave came down and said we need to get out of this house today. We decided to go to lunch at Olive Gardens. I was only able to eat two bites of salad half a bowl of my soup and breadstick. That was a must have eaten in 3 days so that was good. As we were there my son called and invited us over to see the baby. There's no better medicine then walking into a  house having a child run to you laughing and smiling like you are the most precious person in the whole world. My son greeted us and went into the kitchen.    I wondered what he was doing but concentrated on playing with Harrison.   At first I was a little frustrated that he wasn't with us, until I saw what he was doing. He was in the kitchen making cinnamon toast. He cut it just like my my mom, and brought it to us. We all satk in his living room eating that cinnamon toast. I looked at him and I said did you read my post about cinnamon toast this morning? He said no, I just know you needed it. I fed my grandson some cinnamon toast and told him about how special his great-grandma Burke was. How his daddy Made it just like she did so that I would feel better. Later that night I was talking to Dave and I looked at him and said I never wrote anything about the cinnamon toast, I can't believe he made for me. It had probably been 12 years since we sat down in mom's house and had cinnamon toast together like that. I wrote him last night and told him how much it meant to me.  His response..."Mama I will always make yo

u cinnamon toast".  To see moms love language passed down to one of my children is so special. For just a moment it wasn't just a piece of toast it was a slice of the past.

God blesses in an unexpected way!

We had early shows in Rochester on Tuesday.  Monday we had an afternoon show half way to Rochester.  Dave and I looked at each other and said "Let's go adventuring!" at the same time!  Off we went heading towards our favorite hotel in Rochester area!  I only have one hotel listed in my cell phone....it is listed as "Comfort Inn Farmington we like" on my phone.  We had stayed the week before using our coupon...so I never thought that it would be a problem this week.  Ten min before we got there Dave asked if I made a reservation....I said nope!  As I walked into the lobby there was a tiny beautiful older African American lady at the desk talking with her hands to the clerk.  I was I immediately drawn to her and thought she might need my help,  I had my coupon book in my hand and once the clerk left in search of the manager I looked at her and asked if everything was ok and if she needed a coupon for a lower price for her room.  She looked me in the eye and said "Are you a believer?"  I said "yes I am. My husband and I are children's evangelist.... We go around teaching children  how to love God "  She reached out and grabbed my hand and says..."Let's see how Good is going to handle this... And see what God is going to do! "  Now I grew up in a Christian family and I've prayed many times in public..... But to stand in the middle of the hotel lobby holding hands with this beautiful lady was something I have never done.  When the manager came over she saw me with my coupon book and said "I am sorry.... We are totally sold out for tonight."  My new friend looks at her and says...."Well, I am giving her my room and I am also paying for it!"  My mouth dropped open and I started to protest... She looks at me and says..."Now don't you say anything.... God told me to do this! I am not a rich women but when He tell me to do something I listen!" She paid for our room!  As she finished I gave her a big hug, introduced her to Dave, and thanked her!  She was such a blessing to us!  She was like a gift from God all wrapped up just for us.  What did it teach us?  That God cares about every part of our life.  He knew we needed this time of relaxing and gave it to us wrapped up in my beautiful new friend!  Will I ever see her again? Probably not.... But she was willing to let God user her to bless us in a special way... All because her heart was open to listening to her Fathers voice. I pray my heart is listening next time God tells me  He wants to do something as hers was...so we can bless as we were blessed.

Today is your day Mom! written Sept 15,2015

 Yesterday, I looked at the calendar and felt a heavy weight on me all day. A tear would slip down my face unexpectedly. I had no desire to do anything...but think and wait. My day was filled with sadness and dread. You see, five years ago you were with us just a little while longer. One last night on this Earth that was your home for so long. It was so hard at the end. You were fighting for your life. You were fighting to breath because your lungs were so full. You were fighting for be strong because you thought we needed you to be. You were fighting to stay awake, so we could see those beautiful eyes look into ours one last time. It was a day full of sadness and hopelessness.
Today I woke up with a feeling of expectancy, even joy, even peace.... How could that be. How could I be happy one the day you left this Earth? As you caught my eye in the picture sitting next to me I was filled with an emotion I did not understand. It did not make sense...then God told me why. I looked at your picture and smiled. I looked in her eyes and said "This is your day mom" . and I knew it was. 
This is the day, five years ago, that you graduated to heaven. The day you looked in Jesus' face and fell before the father God you loved so much. He smiles and takes your hand and looks in your eyes and says, "Well done!". The day your husband walks up and shows you all of your children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren that have gone there before you. You gather them in your arms and laugh...just laugh. It is real...it is good. Today was the day that you got to see what you spent your whole life living for. What you made come alive in so many people's lives through your wonderful teaching. Five years ago today you got to look around and saw that Heaven is more wonderful then you could ever imagine. 
As today unfolds and we think of all that went on that day five years ago I am once again drawn to the legacy that you and dad left behind. You left seven children who five years ago were each struggling with so many things. You left behind many grandchildren...who knew your laughter and had been a part of your crazy love. You left behind a few great grandchildren who knew you and loved you and thought you were beautiful. You went out of your way to share your love and testimony to all of us. 
Today your children are carrying on where you left off. We are praying for your precious grandchildren and great grandchildren. Many times we wish you were here to "straighten them out", as only you could do... but we are doing the best we can to be the Godly example that you were in their lives. Some days we feel like we have failed so bad. Then I realize that you have felt that way to, with each of us. You just kept praying, just kept sharing God's love, and just kept making us feel special. 
As this day unfolds and each of us are filled with many emotions throughout the day, help us to remember to smile. Help us to remember to live each day as if it were the last. Today is not a day for crying, those days are past. It is a day for smiling and laughing. She did it. She accomplished all she wanted to in her life. She went all over the world sharing God's love. Everywhere her and dad went lives were changed. They showed their love for their family by taking the time to spend with each of us. We need to do the same. Our kids... their grand kids are their legacy. If we can make God real in each of their lives we have done what she tried her whole life to do. 
When we are on our death bed, we can only hope that our children will look at us and say the things we did about mom as she left this Earth five years ago today. That we loved God with our whole heart. That we spent our life serving the father God that was so real to both of our parents. That we left a legacy to be carried on to our children. They are not gone. You can see our parents in each of our children and grandchildren. Their love for life, their ability to make things right, their ability to laugh, their work ethic, their love for family...it is all there. We just need to let them see that these are gifts....from people that loved them so much. 

Today is not a day for crying. It is a day for joy. It is a day when we look at our life and see what we need to do to carry on the legacy that was passed on to us. It is a day that we can smile at the silly songs that used to be sung, the "Johny stories" that were told, the joy of finding a precious treasure while taking a walk and so many other things. It is a day to look up to the sky and thank God that it is real... It is a day to smile and say..."Today is your day mom!"

A special pair of sneakers

Did you ever find a pair of shoes or sneakers that you just loved...Well I did.  While shopping with my daughter, Rachael, I found just the pair for me.  I have been working out at the gym wearing my old navy sneakers...and I just did not feel cool enough!  Then I saw my dream shoes.  They were Bright yellow and pink.  They had a cool bottom... They fit me perfectly. It was the type of shoe you put on and just take a deep breath in and sigh. You know they were meant for you.  I had gotten these bright pink and orange Nike work out shirts for Christmas...I had my black workout pants with my pink and yellow stripe...It was perfect.  I felt so cool as I worked out at the gym in them...that was until the car fire...

Sent this to my kids the day I got them!! My new sneakers!

In the beginning of November we were driving home after an awesome visit with the kids. We had helped move them into their new apartment.  We were towing our new trailer.  All of a sudden Dave pulled the SUV over to the side of the road, and screams, "Get out of the car!  We are on fire!"  I don't know how, but within seconds I was out of my seat belt, opening the door to get out. Once we stopped the flames had engulfed the car and they were over the top of the car.  My door literally pushed back the flames so I could get out.  It was one of the scariest moments I have ever faced in my life.  Dave and I ran to behind the trailer and just held each other.  We had no clue what to do...and quite frankly I think we were in shock.  We both realized if we had even driven another quarter of a mile in that car we would not be standing where we were.  We would have been gone...with our car...that was now completely covered in flames.

   Just a few minutes went by before two different cars stopped to see if we were ok.  I was so shaken that when one of the wonderful ladies asked me if I had called 911.  I held up my phone and handed it to her.  That was the only thing that I had from the car...no shoes, no jacket, no purse...just Dave's phone that I was playing a game on when he pulled over.  She knew I was in no way able to explain what happened so she quickly dialed 911.  Her and the other lady that stopped surrounded Dave and I and  tried to comfort us.  We were amazed with how quickly the fire trucks came.  Four different trucks tried to put out the fire, one would take over as the other one ran out of water and foam to spray on the car.  The flames reached high in the sky and I watched as all that we had with us went up in flames.  

    We were only about 30 minutes from where Becca and Brandon had just moved.  When Dave called them, they immediately grabbed me shoes and a coat and drove over. I fell into my kids arms. Becca had to help me put on socks and shoes that she brought for me to wear.  The tables were turned.  It was my child putting my shoes on and tying them for me.  They were taking care of me.     I was struggling from the smoke I inhaled and think I was still in shock.  I just kept thinking about how my purse had Dave's wallet in it, and all of our money and credit cards in it. I kept thinking of my new purse that Dave had just gotten me for my birthday.   I kept thinking about all of the fun things I had just gotten when Brandon and I went to the two story Walmart the day before.  I kept thinking about my special Reebok sneakers that I loved that were inside my suitcase in the back of the SUV.

   The fire was starting to die down after about two hours of burning.  We stood out in the cold watching it burn.  As the firemen came back I asked them,  "Could you look in the back seat for my purse...I really need it."  They looked at me and said, "Honey, there is nothing left!".  I kept asking each fireman as they came back to look for my purse and each time they shook their head, and told me that it was hopeless.  I knew I had to look before I could give up on it.  God would not have impressed on me to get my purse that strongly if it was not OK. The kids suggested we follow the SUV to the garage and take a look at what was left inside.  

   As we followed the SUV to the garage I was shaking.  I just kept thinking, "What are we going to do?  How can we get home with no money and no credit cards? What would we do now?  As we pulled up to the SUV it looked hopeless.  There literally was nothing left of the car.  My phone had melted into the center console.  there were no seats, no shoes, nothing left.  But still my mind kept saying, "Find your purse."  Becca had brought a towel with her and we used that to dig thru the rubble in the back seat.  They found a black lump that had to be my purse.  I got excited as we found it and urged the kids to keep looking.  They pulled apart the lump of melted leather and there inside was Dave's wallet. It was charred on the outside, the top of the money inside the wallet was burned, his credit cards were bent from the heat...but we were able to get everything, including his licence and social security card  out of his wallet.  I smiled for the first time since we pulled over. I urged them to keep looking.  They smiled as they pulled out my wallet...with everything in it....slightly singed, but usable.  It was a miracle that any of these things were saved.  Everything around it was totally burned up.  I knew God had saved it for me.  I began to feel hope for the first time since this started.  

   We opened up the back hatch of the car.  Everything was totally burned. I opened up the suitcase and even the clothes inside were still smoking and trying to catch on fire.  That is when I saw my sneakers.  There they were in the middle of all of this mess,  shining their bright color in the back of the car.  They were the only think that was not black in the car.  I grabbed them...wanting to bring them with me and Dave shook his head no.  They had such a strong odor of smoke there was no way I could bring them in the car with me. My lungs were already compromised.  I could not have them with us.   I cried as we left the car.  The sneakers, although burned in the back still looked like new.  I hated to leave them....

See how my sneakers were the only things that were not totally burned!

     Last week I received a letter from our insurance company.  Which I have to tell you is Allstate. If you are looking for a great company, I highly recommend them.  They have been amazing with all of this.  We had just switched over to them the week before the fire.  We had only made one payment to them. They have bought us a new SUV, covered all of the contents in the car, and also helped us deal with the trauma of this event.  They have constantly called to see how we are doing and what they can do for us.  I have never had anyone treat us as nicely as they have. Their staff is amazing. The letter stated that I forgot to send the title to my car in.  They have been storing our car since Nov. 9th and need to get it to auction.  As soon as I read this my mind began to think back to my pair of sneakers. You see, I had searched everywhere for a pair like those with no luck.  Dave had gotten me a new pair of cute ones with flowers on them for Christmas, but they just weren't the same.  I called the number on the letter and asked if they had received the title I had sent out a few days before and if the car was still there.  She took a few minutes to look it up and came back to the phone to tell me it was scheduled to be picked up the next morning...but it was still there.  I was afraid to ask, but I took a deep breath and said, "Can I ask you to do me a favor?" When she asked me what she could do for me I quickly explained about my sneakers.  I told her they were in the back of the SUV.  I asked her if their was any way she could mail them to me.  I knew by now the smell of the smoke would have gone away.  As soon as I told her my idea she said, "Have you seen that car?!"  I assured her I not only saw it, but was in that car while it was on fire.  She told me she did not think anything was salvageable but she would go look.  She never called me back so I just assumed that she did not find them, or they were worse then I remembered.  

   The next day Dave yells up to me.."Kathleen, there is a package for you!"  He had a huge smile on his face!  I looked at him strangely and looked into the box he held in his hand.  There inside the box, only 16 hours after I had spoke to the insurance lady, were my sneakers.  I could not believe it! They were dirty, covered in soot, burned on the heals, but they were in my hands!  Tears ran down my face as I realized how God had saved not only Dave and I, not only all of our important stuff in our wallets, not only our money...but my pair of sneakers!

This is actually after I washed them once, I wish I took a picture of when they came out of the box...they were really dirty!

I worked on those sneakers all evening. I washed them gently, sprayed them to get rid of the smoke, and cut off the burned material off the back. I placed them by the fire to dry.  The next day I could not wait to try them.  I put them all back together and put them on my feat!  I danced around the room!  I sent pictures to my kids asking them if they remember these sneakers.  They were shocked when I told them the story of the sneakers.  

My poor burned sneakers!

   As I put them on I took a deep breath, then a big sigh, and a smiled big.  They were a gift.  A way to show that I am loved and cared about so deeply.  That lady at the insurance did not have to handle those dirty, stinky old sneakers.  She did because she knew they meant something to me.  I am forever grateful that she did.  They are a little stained there the fire got them and they are missing the back material...but boy do they feel good.  Tonight as I went to the gym I had a huge smile on my face.  I danced around the gym.  I had my cool sneakers on again.  They are even more precious to me now.  They, like Dave and I survived a traumatic event.  We will once again rise up and pick up the pieces of our life...only this time, I will be wearing my special sneaker to cheer me on.

My sneakers now!

   

No Cancer!

I had to let all of you know what is going on with me since I wrote that post!They have done the biopsy and it is benign! (YEAH..NO CANCER!)  I feel like  a weight has been lifted off me. They did the biopsy Mon. Let me tell you "Don't listen to the doctor when they tell you the biopsy wont hurt..it is a lie!" Other then that it went well. They did the biopsy on Wed. We had to wait till Monday to find out results that was the longest four days of my life. Here is what I wrote to my family about it! Thank you for all your prayers, your love and your encouragement.. It has meant the world to me!


Hi it has been an exhausting day...Did two shows and then went to the doctor said it was not cancerous and it is not a cyst. It is a large mass about the size of a silver dollar. After explaining it all to me I asked him how it could have happened. I told him how about a month ago I had a huge bruise that I did not remember getting. I asked if it could have been from that. He said it would not be as large as this from that. He asked if I had been in an accident. I told him over a year ago. When I explained what had happened in the accident he seemed to think it was from that. He believes it was traumatized and has scar tissue he asked if I was the driver or the passenger and when I told him I was the passenger he said well that is right where the seat belt would fall. I said why after all this time would it just show up...He then asked me questions. I realized that it was a month ago that my head started to clear from the concussion. He said the concussion was blocking me from feeling the pain of it. (and all the pain meds I was on) It all makes sense I guess. When I asked him where we go from here this is our plan of action.
1. Try to cut down on estrovan as that can lead to breast cancer especially when I already have a lump
2. Take motrim and wean off from Naproxin as that is a blood thinner
3. Take Vitamin E and rosemary to promote healing
4. He wants to monitor the size of the lump every two months for the next two years.
5. If it continues to cause pain he recommends he take it out.
6. If I have any questions, concerns or anything changes I am to call him immediately.
He was very good with us. He spent over 45 min just talking to us...then did an ultra sound to check it. He broke up some of the mass when he did the biopsy...so it did look different then Wed.before biopsy. It has not decreased in size though
It was a very long day. I did not sleep last night at all finally fell asleep at 5 am. I got up at 8 left for show by 9:15. The shows were from 10-11 and 11-12 Doctors appointment was at 1 that lasted till almost 3...we grabbed some lunch and came home. We were home by 5.
Sorry you could not reach me on the cell phone...we owe $150 and it got shut off. Should hopefully have it on in a week or so.
The kids stayed around for about 5 min when I got home and then said they had to go...which is fine...because I am now ready to crash. Part of me wants to go out with Dave and the other part wants to just stay home and crash I think I would rather wait till I can enjoy it more. He wants to do anything to make me smile. He has been amazing through all this and we are both sooo glad it is over.
Well, we have some answers now...and we will see what happens next. Right now I just want to sit down and take it all in and relax...
Thank you all for your prayers, your love and your encouragement. I don't think I could have made it through without knowing all of you were there praying for me.
Love you,
Kathleen

Something I never thought would happen to me.. I found a lump.

I have my mammograms regularly.  Although I hate them, I know it is something that I should do, so I do it.  January came and I did my yearly mammogram. Everything came back perfect. I walked out with my carnation and a smile on my face.  I was done for another year.  No worries....I thought.
Last month I saw a bruise on my right breast. Although I did not remember hitting it, I thought I must have.  As I examined it I found a lump.  It was bigger then the size of a pea.  I called my OBGYN and scheduled an appointment.

As she checked me over her face became concerned.  She said I had a sizable lump that needed to be checked out immediately.  She called over to Southtowns Radiology and got me in within the nest two hours. As Dave and I grabbed lunch while we waited, neither of us could talk.  We  could not express the fear that was going through our mind.  All we could do is look at each other and hold hands. When something like this happens you immediately think the worse....cancer.  We had gone through cancer treatments with Dave's mom and seen what that could do.  It was a cruel thing. At times we thought that the treatment was worse then the disease. It was hard enough watching someone you love being affected by it. It was terrifying thinking you may have to go through it.   It seemed tragedy had come in our lives again.

Things went quite fast once I got into the radiology.  The mammogram came first, then the ultrasound.  We were told that the mammogram came out fine but the ultra sound had a sizable mass.  They told me I needed to follow up with the specialist asap.  It was then that I became scared.  I knew I should call the specialist. I just couldn't I did not want to find out anymore bad news. If nothing is confirmed then it really is not real.   Also, it seemed the lump was going away. I began to feel like I did not need to call the specialist. I was fine. But, it continued to hurt...and I knew I had to make the call.

As Dave and I sat down with the specialist we listened to her words closely.  She told us that because it was a sizable mass she had to assume the worst....cancer. She then explained that it was her job to prove it wrong. As she did her exam she got a strange look on her face.  I told her I could not even feel it anymore and that I thought it was going away.  She wanted me to do another ultrasound to see if it in fact did get smaller.  As I waited in the waiting room for them to call me back into the doctors, my mind was racing. What if it really is cancer?  What would happen next? Don't forget the biggest question of all.."Why me? Haven't I had enough tragedy in my life? Can't I just have a simple life with no problems? Why do I have to keep going through tragedy after tragedy in my life?"  Why? Why? Why?"

They called me into the room to wait for the specialist to come back.  I asked them, "Can't I have my husband wait with me?".  They went out into the waiting room and asked Dave to come back.  We still could not say to much. Dave tried to cheer me up. His words, "It is probably nothing", "They said they did not think it was cancer!", "They said even if it was cancer you are at stage one and it is treatable.", did not seem to reach me. I was in a daze. As the doctor came back in he told us that the lump has not gone down in size.  He explained that it was a sizable lump and even if it came back benign it would still have to come out. He also wanted a biopsy done asap.  Two days later they scheduled for a biopsy... TODAY! Today they will put a needle in my breast and take pieces out to check for cancer.  That scares me to death. I want to curl up somewhere and go somewhere to just think. 
Last night I went to the gym for the first time in a long time.  I wanted to make my body work as hard as it could.  I don't know if I was trying to finally feel something after a week of not allowing myself to think or to feel or if I just needed to be in a place that brought me comfort.  It was a place that had changed my life. I needed to be there. I did all of my regular routine.  When I got to my "prayer chair" (the exercise that works on your stomach) I really did not want to go there...but I knew I had to.  I knew I needed to get this right with God. As I sat in that chair, that I have prayed for so many of my family in, I tried to pray for my family. I tried to avoid the problem facing me tomorrow.  I tried to talk about everything else.  But, I could not do that.  God would not let me. As I poured my heart out to my father God a verse, my life verse,  kept coming to my head. Finally,  had to stop and quote it. "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord.  Plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans to give you hope and a future.". Although I was not feeling very loved at that time. I know that God has this all under control. 

As I sit in front of the doctors Monday morning waiting to hear the outcome of my biopsy, I know that whatever happens God will get me through it. He has provided me with a wonderful network of family and friends that are there for me...you.  You have been through so many of the hardest times in my life. You have loved me unconditionally, supported me when I  was down, and encouraged me when I needed it.  Thank you.  I could not have made it through these hard times if it was not for your love. Please pray today as they do my biopsy.  If there is something there, pray that they will find it and we can deal with it. If it is benign, pray that  they can take care of it quickly so I don't have to live in pain. Please pray for my family as they go through this. Sometimes it is just as hard to be a husband watching your wife go through this as it is to be going through it yourself.  It is a hard time at the Jeffers' house.  Thank you, my friends, for your love and support! It is easier when you know you have a group of people who are lifting you up in prayer. No  matter what the outcome, I know that God is in control and will give me the strength to get through this.
Love you guys, and will keep you posted.
Kathleen

It breaks my heart to start over.....

Since the accident we have been steadily gaining weight.  Last night I went to the gym. While I was doing my mat work I looked in the mirror.  I saw and old "friend" in the mirror.  One I never wanted to see again. It was the fat  me.  I have not gained all of the weight back, but I have gained more then I ever imagined I would.  I looked in the mirror and hated what I saw. I am wearing 18-20 pants and have added XL back in my wardrobe. I think that is why I have been reluctant to post here. I did not want you, the readers, to see that I failed. 
I have been reading through my blog. I have been getting ready to publish it into a book.  As I read those pages and remembered our successes and our failures, something happened inside me. I started to panic. I started to see me as I really am.  I am fat again.  Where I never wanted to be.
We can blame it on life. We can blame it on the accident. We can blame it on our health. But ultimatly we need to look in the mirror and say, we have not kept up our part of the bargain. This morning I looked at our stats for people reading our blog.  Do you realize that almost 10,000 people have read our blog.  Just this last month almost 150  people have read it.  That broke my heart. For the first time in a long time I realize the obligation I have to you.  You have become my friends.  You have cheered me in through all of sad times, happy times, and times I felt I could not go on.  You have been there for me, in more ways than you have ever known.
Thank you for your support. I thought no one even cared, but you were always there.  I just had forgotten you my old friends.  I am sorry.  I feel so bad. I am finally ready to pick up the pieces and start again. We are back on our food plan and back at the gym. I will let you know our progress.  I would love to hear from you. If you could leave a comment that would be awesome!  Hopefully it will come off easier this time because our body sooo wants to be where it was before.  We are just going to start over as if it was the first time.
Dave's starting weight: 348
Kathleen's starting weight 248


Daves

It has been so long...

Wow! This morning I woke up at 3am and could not get  back to sleep.  I tried...just seemed to have to much on my mind...as I was looking through face book my mind went back to our blog...I pulled it up and started reading.  It has so much of my life in it...but it is missing so much of this past year.  I just have not had the heart, or the energy to write.  Our life has changed a lot this past year.  All because of one day in Feb...
Feb 11, 2012 Dave and I were driving to a show.  It was one of the few days it was snowing out.  We were driving and all of a sudden Dave says..."Watch out!" and we were hit on my side by a big SUV that thought they could go faster then the 40mph everyone was going on the 219! We were pushed off the road on the left and went down a ravine into the middle of the 219....As I sat thier stunned I looked up and the car that hit us was coming right at us and about to hit me again.... I screamed and leaned towards Dave...he tried to pull me to him...and we waited to be  hit again.  The SUV stopped about a few foot or so away from our car!
Luckily there were people that were emergency fire fighters that came right down to make sure we were ok.  They also called the police for us.  As they asked me if I was ok I knew my life was changed forever.  I was still in shock so I said I was ok...and I would follow up with my doctor... by the next day I was sore...in pain...so I went to the emergency room....Dave started to hurt...so he went... thus starting what our life has been like for the last 7 months....doctors, emergency rooms, xrays, mris, physical therapy, sometimes 5-6n times a week...I had a severe concussion...and hurt my mid back (when I turned to Dave) and Dave had slammed into the drivers side and hurt his shoulders, and he now has three herniated discs...c 5-6 C6-7 and C7T1....we have been on pain meds 24-7 since Feb and also had to take meds for headaches...the migraines with Dave were the worst. He would wake up screaming in pain...the girls and I just came around him and prayed for his help...the neurologist had to give him a shot of pain meds right into his scull and then a four hour infusion (IV) of 5 different meds.  It was scary to say the least. The headaches finally stopped and we were sent home with even more meds...He had to give up his delivering Buffalo News....I could not teach...very frustrating and hard.  I am not sure how we even got all of the bills paid this last year...I am just thankful that God provided for us!
I think the worst part of everything is that we started to gain weight in all of this!  By March we had gained 10 pounds...buy June 20....and then by now we have gained 30 pounds back each...We would see our clothes getting to small on us and we were powerless to do anything.  We were depressed...heart broken....and sooo discouraged.  We started getting depressed...and literally felt like giving it all up...I can't express how sad this has made us...We are more frustrated then you could ever imagine...all of our hard work...gone...
God has been working in us these past few weeks...he has restored our will to try... We are doing our physical therapy regularly and were told we could and should be walking...and do bike riding...and a few things at the gym and our pt exercises as much as possible.  We have been going to the gym and using the treadmill almost every day for the past week...we also are doing all of our physical therapy exercises at the gym too...and starting to get back on track with our eating...(or is it because we have no money for junk food!)  We are eating regular meals and getting on schedule again.... we are feeling stronger then we have in a long time.  I do not know if we have lost anything...but we at least have the will to try...which is more then we have had in the past 5 months....
Please keep us in your prayers...every day is a struggle...but we are starting to fight our way out of it again....the meds we are taking are working....we are still on pain meds...but they don't take away my ability to think....I still get dizzy and fuzzy if I multi task...but I have learned to do one thing at a time and do it well...Dave is still in constant pain and will eventually have to see a specialist about his neck..but he now has the will to try to get better...I know that if we are working as a team we can accomplish anything...I ask for your prayers and support...I am listing our highest weight since the accident so we know where we have gone from there!
Stats (so we are held accountable for what we are doing)
Dave Starting weight-- 380
Dave's starting weight with fawn- 330
Dave's weight last week 252
Dave's weight today- 278
Weight loss for the week- 26 pound gain
Total weight loss with Fawn- was 78 pounds Now..52
Total weight loss- was 128 pounds!!! ALMOST 130 POUNDS!!!!! Now...102


Kathleen's Starting weight-- 270
Kathleen's starting weight with fawn-260
Kathleen's weight last week 198
Kathleen's weight today-228
Weight loss for the week- 30  pound gain
Total weight loss with Fawn- was 62 pounds now 32
Total weight loss-WAS 72 pounds!!! YEAH!!!! Now 42
instead of a 200 pound loss we now only have a 144 pound loss...very discouraging...this is why I have not wanted to write in this blog...but I must...because if I did it before I can do it again...with your help and prayers...
We love you guys...you are what made this all possible..
Dave and Kathleen Jeffers

A Rude awakening....

If you have been with me from the beginning then you have read my beginning story... How Dave decided he wanted to get into shape. How everyday when he started to exercise he would ask me if I wanted to join him..and every day I looked him in the eye and said, "Not today!"  My main reason for doing that was because I had been on diets before, and lost weight before, but every time I gained it back and more..I basically was afraid I would work hard succeed, and then fail.  I was soo proud when I lost the weight, slowly, and steadily. I was so proud when I kept if off for over a year. Well Feb 12 I was in a car accident. for the last month and a half I have had a concusion...which means no gym. It also is very hard to plan meals when it feels like your head has millions of tiny bouncy balls flying around in your head.  I knew I was gaining...and felt helpless to stop it.  Yesturday Dave and I went to a store and I tried on ten pairs of capries...size 16 and 18.  I could only fit into one size 16 stretch and non of the size 18...I walked out of there descouraged...there was no way I was going to buy a size 20 pair of pants...or size 20 anything.  Later that day I had a doctors appointment...when I stepped on the scale I almost fainted...I had to hold on to the wall, and felt like I was going to throw up...I was up from 198 to 220!!! As I walked into the waiting room my eyes filled with tears as I told him the news...He is so special, and loves me so much, he was quick to say,,,that is not much...you can get if off..but I knew the truth... I was fat again... I could feel it in the way my clothes fit me, I could feel it in the way my stomach, which was getting flat, now has a bulge that I hate.  I knew this was one of those turning points in my life... Was I going to wallow away in self pity, filling my days with sneaking pieces of candy and pizza, or was I going to decide enough is enough?  I really thought about it. I looked at my Becca and tears filled my eyes as I told her the devestating news.
"I was up to 220 agian...22 pounds I had gained"  She took my face in both of her hands and looked me right in the eye and said to me, "You lost it before, and you can loose it again...I will work with you and help you until it is gone and you are down to the size you want to be."  My precious girl helped me realize it is not a hopeless cause, I have not lost it all! I can suceed.  She has gotten me tto the gym for the last two days..Wed at eight at night I did my whole weight lifting  routine... I was able to picj up right were I left off. The next day, I was very sore...and could barely wake up...today I did not want to go...she did not push me she just said, "if you are sore, you need to get back there again to losen it up.."So back I went . I did 4 miles on the bike and 10 min of rowing...I have eaten perfectly these past days and my body already feels so much better. (although so much sorer too!) I can not let this accident get the better of me It is not going to steal all my confidence, and make me gain back what I lost.  I made a picutre of before and after photos..It reaally is amazing how far we have come.. I refuse to give up...someday soon I will be right back where I was, and heading to  where I want to be.  Please pray for my (and Dave's) neck and back.  We are both hurting, but trying our headest to overcome! We can not allow an accident to rob us of what we are trying ot accomplish!
Stats (so we are held accountable for what we are doing)
Dave Starting weight-- 380
Dave's starting weight with fawn- 330
Dave's weight last week 252
Dave's weight today- 268
Weight loss for the week- 16 pound gain
Total weight loss with Fawn- was 78 pounds  Now..62
Total weight loss- was 128 pounds!!! ALMOST 130 POUNDS!!!!!  Now...112


Kathleen's Starting weight-- 270
Kathleen's starting weight with fawn-260
Kathleen's weight last week 198
Kathleen's weight today-220
Weight loss for the week- 22 pound gain
Total weight loss with Fawn-  was 62 pounds now 40
Total weight loss-WAS 72 pounds!!! YEAH!!!!  Now 50
I must say that after a year and a  half we have still kept off 162 punds! BUT we need to get back on track and sto the weight gain now before it is to late..
Goals by summer:  Dave to be below 250
Kathleen to be below 190
Please pray that we can accomplish these goals!

A family that can laugh together is priceless!



After a year and a half we have kept off most of the weight..we have both gained about 15 from our lowest and are working on getting that back off!  We have still lost 176 pound between the two of us! I am still wearing size 14-16 (from sze 24-26)and Dave is still in size 38 yeans and large shirts (from size 46 - 3X)

Did you ever find a sale that you could not refuse! I did today when Dave and I were at the Niagra Falls outlet Mall. I saw these footie pajamas that were Sooo soft and comfy looking... for only $5 They were Neon yellow with spots, stripes and plaids...I was sure that they were floress under black lights! So I thought I would get three pairs and the girls and I could put them on with the black hoods, wigs and sun glasses that glow in the dark and orange neon gloves. We could come up with some cool motions and Dance to the music.. we would glow in the dark and it would be the coolest thing and everyone would love it...It would be a great addition to our black light puppet show..
As I was looking at them I thought..."The girls will love these...I will get them each a pair to wear around the house!"  Rachael I found a pink with black zebra stripes and Becca I found a terquoise plaid ones.    I was so excited about them that I took a picture of all the patterns in the bag and sent it to them and told them I got them a surprise and they had to guess what I got them...that they would love it! Never in their wildest dreams did they ever guess that I got them floresant green and pink and yellow footie PJs! When I got home I ran into the bathroom told Rachael to close her eyes and came out in my own wonderful Neon Yellow polka dot footie pajamas! She was not impressed! Then when I showed her hers...she was less impressed. I finally talked her into putting hers on and running down to Brandon's room where Becca and Brandon were watching a movie...they laughed at us! When I showed Becca her green plaid ones that I had picked out special for her.. she did not want to put them on...I was just so excited...that they both came upstairs...I told Brandon he could wear the yellow polkadot ones and Dad could wear the other ones and we could have a slumber party!! I was dancing around in my footie pjs acting like it was the best thing in the world....Brandon said "If you can get dad to put them on...that is the only way I am going to put them on...:".he knew that dad would never put on neon yellow plaid footie pajamas! BUT my luaghter and fun was contagious...so dad said..."I will do it if you will"...thinking Brandon would never put them on...Well I talked them all into putting them on...Dads was a litle small...and Branodn thought his was a little girly (he used much more expressive words that i cant put in my blog!!!) But my whole family...out of their love for me...and my excitement over these silly pjs...put them on...I danced with them around the living room jumping up and down like a little girl! We laughed like we have not laughed in years...and we forgot about what others would think of us...and just acted like chldren for those few short minutes (believe me they were short...as soon as they could they said..."can we take these off now!" ) It was a memory that they will always remember...maybe they will think..."Mom is crazy!" or maybe they will think..."Remember when we all put on those footie pajamas just for mom...that was fun! She sure new how to make us laugh and enjoy ourself!"

We need more days like that...where we act out ot the ordinary...and step out of our box...and be ourself for just a few minutes...they say laughter is one of the greatest healers...I believe it...I feel better then I have in a long time....all because for a few minutes we forgot who we were supposed to be and just had fun...

By the way I could have put pictures of all of us in them...but my lovely children deleated all but the one of me and of Dave and I...I wonder why?!!! .....

I am not sure how to turn this so you will just have to turn your neck to the side for a minute! BUT it is soo worth it! I have been wearing these all night...and I am sooo comfy!

All it took was a prayer....

For the past few years we have felt like something was holding us back...I may be a little predjudace, but I watch other performers and think..."Dave can do such a better job!"  BUT...we were struggling to make our bills and had to take a paper route just to make ends meet...One day I sat down with Dave and we talked about it. We both realized that we need to either make our business work, or give up and get a regular job...We had spent some of the money from mom's house sale on a conference which we were sure was going to help us make it big, and it just did not happen...We were getting depressed and starting to gain weight...
Dave and I started reading a book called "Power of a Praying parent" and praying together...for the first time in a long time...One particular day while Dave was praying he asked God to bless our business and help us succeed.  I remember it as if it was yesturday.  We decided right there we were going to spend the next 21 days working as hard as we could to make our business succeed.  We decided it would be the deciding factor of wether we should hang up the magic hat ;) or continue on.  We sent a mail out out and were planning on waiting 3 days to start calling the people we sent it out to.  The very next mornig our phone started ringing... and ringing and ringing...we were shocked and amazed at what was happening. We decided to raise our prices like they suggested at the conference....they did not question it....we decided to raise them again...so they were double what we were getting paid...no one questioned it....Every time we called they would book...not just one show...but many shows...one show that said a year ago that they could only pay $60 per show...booked $700 worth of shows...we booked in those 21 days what we made all of last year!  We are now working on doubling our income from last year...which was the challange that was put out at the conference...it is working....God is blessing...I remember I used to tell a story that I said.."when you put your trust  in God alone you will recieve blessings upon blessings till it is overflowing....I preached it, but never saw it in my life...sure God gave us many blessings in our life...but not to the point where we are overflowing...We want to be able to bless others...now we can...there was this little old lady  who was waiting on tables, it was hard work for her and she struggled to do her job at a resteraunt we went to...I went up to the manager and asked if the waitresses have to split the tips, or do they get to keep what we gave...once they said they get to keep it...we were thrilled to leaave her a $50 tip for our $12 meal!  We would have loved to stay around and see her face...but we knew we were passing on the blessings that God gave us...that is what we would love to be able to do more often...
   How did this happen?  It took the two of us praying together....with my husband as the head of the household praying for us...for it to happen...Yes, we had a great coach...and we worked hard...but we have had both of those things since last Sept...but it was the quiet prayer of aa Godly man who was pleading with his father God to bless his family that did it more than anything...next time you are at your wits end...your last rope...realize that God is there with blessings he is just waiting to give you...all you need to do is ask and you will recieve...if you seek Him with your whold heart you will find him!

She borrowed my clothes and they fit!!!

She Borrowed My Clothes And They Fit!

As a teen with a sister the same size as you it was fun to swap clothes back and forth. When you grew up in a big family you just always shared clothes.  You did it with your family and did it with your friends. It was just fun to do.  Well, it has been a long time since I have been able to swap clothes with anyone.  My clothes were to big for anyone to want to wear.

A few mornings ago my daughter Becca came in my room and asked to borrow my sweater....MY SWEATER!  I said sure honey! She walked out of the room happy. As she came down for breakfast, I looked at my beautiful daughter in my sweater! I was filled with pride and joy. Yes, it looked much better on her then it does on me, and yes, it was baggier on her, but that was the look she wanted!  BUT, she could fit into my clothes!  I was so happy I wanted to cry! I wanted to jump up and down and hoop and holler and do a happy dance! I had made it! I succeeded where I thought I never could. I worked hard and accomplished what I set out to do. I was filled with joy and thankfulness. I had done it. 

Back on Track....

Christmas was such a crazy time..we just forgot all that we learned and went crazy. We went out to eat and ate whatever we wanted, we did not have time to go to the gym...and we went back to our old life style.  I could tell I was gaining weight when my favorite jeans just did not want to go on.  I noticed Dave suddenly could not find anything to wear...and I knew we had a problem... a BIG problem.  I talked to Fawn yesturday and told her that we were gaining weight...I asked my family to pray about it with me...and Dave and I decided we had to get going again.  Yesturday I got out my meal plans and sat down and looked at them. I remembered how much we loved them...We did great all day yesturday. This morning the girls and i got up at 5 and headed to the gym.  The first thing I did was head to the scale.  I was 214!!! I had gained 17 pounds since my lowest time.  I felt so sick to my stomach.  As I stepped off I realized I have to get back on track. Dave and I have come too far to gain it all back.  I never wanted to go above 200 and now I am above 210...I could not believe it.  As I did my exercise I was waiting for my last exercise...my prayer chair...I sat in that chair and pored my heart out to the Lord.  I prayed for each member of my family, and prayed that Dave and I could get back to the gym and eating right...Please join us in prayer that we can start again...get back to where we were and start loosing again. I know we can do it, and i know it is not too late, if we start now and continue...You have been there with me for this far...please be their in prayer support for the rest of the journey. I will now try to be more accountable, and let you know how we are doing.  Love you guys!
Kathleen

Sometimes you just need to sit down and be reminded why we are doing what we are doing.....

It is time to look back on where we have come from....I look at this video and see that we have changed so much since this was done.  We have lost alot more weight. I am sharing it with you all becaus ei do not  think I ever have, and those of you that started ont his journey with me need to be reminded that we can do it.  It takes, "Drive, determination and the will power to never give up....We can reach our goals...We have done so much. today I got up at 8 (after being up from 12:30am-4:30am doing papers) and went to the gym.  I felt so much better once I worked out.  We are so much more effective in our life if we are doing what we are supposed to do.

I miss everyone in our group...I know they are struggling and I wish we could somehow get us all back on track and working together as a team again.  Dave and I are still going strong. We have lost over 200 pounds between us. We continue to go to the gym and Brandon is now working with a trainer at the gym.  The funniest part was when they gave him a diet and I looked at it and it was everything that Fawn said to eat.  I am proud of my son.  I  am so in love with my husband.... I looked at him today as he was performing a magic show for the Children at a Christmas party and he took my breath away. After being married for over 25 years, and dating him since I was 16, he is still the love of my life.  He is my hero...my best friend and I am blessed to have him in my life.  Right now we are going through one of the hardest times we have ever gone through....But God is good...all the time.  Please pray that God will continue to  bless Dave in I in all that we try to do, and that when we struggle He will lift us up and be our safe place. 

I thank all of you that have continud to follow us. You are awesome. We could not have done it without you all.  You are the reason we have been so successful. When we are ready to give up, I look at all the people (over 6000) that come and read my blog and are there faithfully from all over the world and I know that I can not let you all down.  I have to stay faithful.  Thank you from the bottom of my heart!  You are a blessing in my life!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yMZDvDYsiRU

She called me "Her Coach!"

Now I know how Fawn felt when she took each of us on...excited, scared, and ready to do anything to help her "chicks" succeed!  This last week a friend of mine was finally ready to start working with me.  We had talked a year ago, and she wanted to, but we never got together...then two months ago when I saw her at a swim meet she told me whe was going to get her stomach stapled. I almost started crying and said..."NO DONT DO IT!"  I told her I would work with her.  This last week she told me she was joining a gym. I told her that is wonderful, and if she goes to mine for the week for free I would show her what to do.  Well...she has been with me the last two days.  She is working soooo hard! I am so proud of her.  We will have to work on her diet to, but right now we are trying to get to the gym as much as possible because we only have one free week!  It is helping me to.
I came accrossed an email I had sent to my sister Paulette in November of 2009. She has a clothes closet and can get us clothes when we need them. THis is what I wrote. Paulette, "If you can look in your clothes closet Dave and I could really use some clothes.  I am a 2-3X and Size 24-26 pants and dave is 3X and size 46 pants! We really could use some things for the winter!"  Wow! This is two years later and I am a size M_L and size 14 pants!  Dave is now M-L and size 38 pants! We have kept the weight off for over a year and we are still faithful to going to the gym at least 3-5 times a week and are continueing to loose weight!  We are doing it! I am so happy and so thankful for all of you who have supported me this last year. 
As I was at the gym working with Pam I looked up and saw our reflections in the mirror.  I looked at her and said, "Look in the mirror!  A year and a half ago I was your size....If I can do  it so can you!" That is what life is all about... continuing to help others the way others have helped you....pass it on!  If each one of us passes it on, we will have a better world to live in.

You can do anything you set your mind to...

You Can Do Anything You Set Your Mind To!

There are certain days in your life that you look back on and you say, "This was a life changer!"  The day I married my childhood sweet heart. The day we decided to have children. The day of my accident. The day we decided to loose weight. Well this last week was one of those Life changers. We spent the week at a conference of people all wanting the same thing...to take their business to the next level.  Now mind you, of everyone there Dave and I were defiantly on the lower rung of the ladder.  We were surrounded by people who have succeeded, and wanted to do better.  The whole concept was mind boggling to me.  Here we are struggling to keep our bills paid and these people have been living the dream that we have wanted and are making it.   Why weren't we?

The moment of change was Thursday night.  We sat in Brad Ross' (the Brad Ross that traveled with Disney doing magic shows) suite for our fireside chat. I had just done my 100 laps in the pool and sat in front of Dave on the floor. Now mind you , this is after we had a Fairy tale day of working with Joanie Spina (the person who has choreographed David Copperfield's shows) We had a makeup artist put our make  up on and had done a photo shoot.  It was an amazing day.  I thought about going to the room and just relaxing, as I did the first night...but I couldn't. Tommy Hilken, the motivational speaker for the night,.told us we needed to be there...we had to go. 

As I looked around the room at my new found friends, I felt accepted an full of peace in that room. Tommy was the most amazing speaker I have ever heard.  I am a note taker, and I can honestly say I filled 10 pages of notes in his hour speech.  It was all about becoming who you were meant to be.  He challenged us to see our selves making our goals, to forget about the past and make room in our subconscious to make our dreams come true.  He told us to use our intuition and trust it, not ignore it.  One of our biggest obstacles in life is our self image.  Although our self image has grown with the weight loss,we still have the nagging voices inside that say, "you will never be good enough!", "You cant do it!", "You don't deserve to do it!"  He challenged us to put a name on that voice and tell them to shut up!  We need to weed out old ideas and don't let our fear, doubt and uncertainty rule over us.  As he challenged us to see ourselves as being what we wish-hope- dream to be. I thought about my weight loss.  If you would have told me a year and a half ago that I would be wearing a 14 pair of pants, instead of the 26 I was wearing, and Dave would be wearing size 38 pants,instead of the 48 he was wearing, I would have laughed at you. I would never have seen it as possible.  It took a dream...a dress of my mothers, a wish of my husbands, and a book of someone that did it to make me believe that it was a possibility.

Once we found that dream we took steps to see it happen. I contacted Fawn, made a commitment to her, cleaned out my cupboards and filled them with good food, and started making the gym a part of our life.  Every day we had a plan, a purpose, and a reason for doing the things that we did!  See, we had the power to create that image that we wanted, and to become that image in a short period of time...WE DID IT!  He said, "If you want to stop smoking....you need to stop smoking. In the same way, if you want to loose weight, you need to loose weight.

Here are some steps that you can take to loose weight;
1. Make a decision- Decide who you want to be
2.  You have to work to get what you want- make  plan
3. From this day forward take steps towards that plan
          *Clean out your cupboards
          *Go shopping for good food
          *Plan your menus and stick to them
          *Start exercising every day (30-45 min)
          *Evaluate how you are doing (weigh in once a week)
          *Make plans to make it happen
           *Set your goal and stick to it.
           *See yourself  being the person you want to become

I loved when Tommy said "Your imagination is the workshop of your mind...you can build anything you want!  See it!  Believe it!  Start to Achieve it!  Become it!
Get rid of the old image, let go of those destructive habits...remember the old image is giving you the results you have now. You don't want those results.  you want to achieve things you never thought possible. Go ahead, dream them up, and you can achieve them.."

So my challenge to you is: Take immediate steps to accomplish your goals.  IF you have gotten sidetracked on your journey...get back up, wipe off the past, and start fresh today!  You can do it.  Don't be discouraged if you have gained your weight back.  It will come off easier now. Your body wants to be down to what it was before.  My friends...You can do it.  You just need to go back to the beginning when you started and start telling yourself exactly what you are doing for the day!  Get a winners image.. because you are a winner!  You can succeed.  I believe in you.  All it takes now is for  you to  start believing in yourself and make it happen!

Celebrate their lasts.....

Celebrate Their Lasts...

When our children are young we treasure every first...the first laugh, the first tooth, the first time our child rolls over, the first time they walk.  Especially with your first child, each one of those momentous occasions are treasured.  I remember with Brandon sitting in his room for hours with the video camera trying to capture the first time he rolled over on video.  I was laughing and clapping as he finally achieved it.  I remember his first laugh, first real laugh, when he was sitting with his daddy. Dave and I had tears in our eyes as we celebrated our child's first laugh.  I remember holding Becca in my arms for the first time and thinking I am so blessed. I was amazed at this beautiful treasure that God has given us.  I remember playing with Rachael's curlies thinking I was the luckiest mom in the world....to have such a wonderful girl to love. I treasured them but time moves quickly.

When they are young we are so busy celebrating the firsts, that we forget to celebrate the lasts.
Sure we celebrate things like the last diaper, the last day of school, but  the precious ones usually go unnoticed and slip by without us even noticing...

The last time you nurse your child...giving them nourishment from your body for the last time
The last time you slip money under your child's pillow and take out a tooth hoping your child still believes in fairy tales.
The last time your child jumps into your arms with no fear knowing that you will catch them, no matter how far they fall.
The last time your child places their hand in yours because they know you will protect them from anything the world has to offer.
The last family baseball game, where you can never strike out.
The last time they come down the stairs Christmas morning and are actually surprised to see presents under the tree...still believing in the magic of Christmas.
The last time they did skits as a family and were unafraid to tell others that Jesus loves them so very much.
The last time you helped them tie their shoe, because mom and dad know how to do everything.
The last time we turned off the lights and played hide'n'go seek through the whole house,knowing that nothing can hurt us in the dark, as long as we are together.
The last musical at school,where we sat in the seats bursting with pride as our children sang and acted for our friends and family
The last football game, cheerleading, or swim meet where our children competed with no fear of failure or defeat.
The last time they ask for keys for the car, still needing you because they did not have their own.
The last time I got invited into their room at night to pray with them over a problem they had...and hug them tight telling them how very proud I am of them and how special they are to me...
The last camping trip, where they actually want to spend time with us as a family, and are not to busy to fit us in their schedule.
The last movie night, where Rachael would set up a store and Brandon would make fake money,just for us, to make our night special.
The last time they looked up at us with their adoring faces thinking we were bigger then life......

Time passes so quickly! If you have small children, make each day a celebration of the time you have with them. If you have teenagers, take the time to get to know the awesome people they are becoming.  If you have adult children, find time to connect with them.  Life is just a flitter of a moment. It is over before you blink your eyes.  It is too short to let a moment go by without telling your children how very much you love them, and how very proud you are of them.  Take time to celebrate the lasts in your life.....

Today was a day of lasts for me....Today we closed on my moms house...it is no longer in the family.  It is a happy, but a sad time.  I was not planning on going out to house today....I had so much to do....but then in my heart I knew I had to .  For one last time.  I thought I had the keys with me, but the ones that I had did not fit in the door...so I could not go in.  At first I was sad, but then I sat on the porch and wrote a note to the people that are moving in.  I had gotten 2 large mums and a sweet roll to put at moms house for the new owners.  I wrote them a letter and arranged everything in the entry way  As I walked around the house one last time I realized how blessed I was to have such awesome parents...they filled our house with  love and laughter. 
As I left moms house for the last time I was headed toward another last... I was doing a show at OLV where my dad was when they told us he was dying.  It was the last place he was before they transferred him to a Pittsburgh hospital. Then I had an eye appointment at the last place mom had her cataract surgery. Then I ate at Red Lobster with Brandon and our last "BURKE" get together was there. Wow, .I did not plan for all of this to happen on this special day...but God did.  I think it was a day of closure for me!