Out of seven kids I was the only one that lived within an hour of mom's house. Which meant as my kids grew up my family would go and help with the lawn, help with cleaning and help with whatever needed done. My kids loved their time with grandma. She made everything special. They have wonderful memories of treasure hunts, playing in pond, walks with grandma, and building teepees, or tree houses with her. She would put on a movie and love to hear my son and husband laugh so hard. She was a very special lady. Mom would sometimes apologize for having us work so hard...but my response was always, "It was an honor to spend time with you!" We didn't mind. We loved our time with mom.
When my mother was sick during the last six months of her life we would go visit her often. Although she had one of those life alert necklaces it was me she called when she needed help. I got to the point that I could make the 35 min trip in 22 minutes as I flew over the Boston hills praying she was ok. The one time I got there and the phone was off the hook, the cord was wrapped around the fallen chairs and she had crawled to the utility room to get her portable O2...because the other one was so wrapped up she couldn't use it. I cried as I untangled her and held her in my arms...So afraid that the outcome could have been so different. She would say "You came...I am sorry honey" and I would look at her and say "It was an honor to help you mom!" and I was thankful I had another day with her.
Many times I would tell Dave that I just need to go spend the morning with my momma. I would go there and she would make cinnamon toast and tea. I would ask her what she wanted to do today and she would give me a list and we would get it done. As it got towards evening and her coughing got worse I would call Dave and tell him "I cant leave her in this house alone tonight" I looked at mom and said I am too tired to drive home, do you mind if I spend the night?" She would smile and say, "A sleepover, wont that be fun!" We would make dinner, have tea and just talk . I would help her get ready for bed and head to my bed in grandmas room next door. As I heard her coughing and struggling to breath in the middle of the night I went to her. "I am to lonely to sleep in grandmas room...do you mind if I sleep in here?" She would smile and hold up the covers as she did when I was a child. She would snuggle up to me and just keep saying I am so cold, thank you honey..." I would look at her and say "It is an honor mom" As I think of the last time I did that I wonder what it would have been like if, instead of not excepting she was dying I had embraced it. I had so many questions I wanted to ask...but I would not admit that she was dying. It was not until the last few weeks of her life, as my sissy and I sat in the doctors room and mom said, "Can you tell my girls how I am really doing" and the doctor looked at us and said, "Your mom is dying and it wont be long", that I realized I really an not going to have much time with my mom. The week before my sissy came was the last week that I was able to snuggle with my momma. Family started pouring in and she died once everyone was there to say goodbye to her.
I always wondered what it felt like to be mom. To have someone spend undivided time with just you. Yesterday I got to find out. My son told my husband that he wanted to spend time with him and do a Lord of the Rings movie marathon. I didn't really know what that meant but as the day approached my husband and son were both so excited about it. Brandon was at my door at seven am the morning of the "Great movie marathon" He told me it was 20 hours of movies. I thought they were both crazy. We ran to Walmart and I got snacks, and everyone's favorite things. I was so exhausted from just doing over 100 balloon cups...so at first I was a little grumpy. I thought it was just a guy thing and knew nothing of Lord of the Rings so I decided to go shopping. As I am shopping I see a post from Brandon...Second movie down...4 more to go...and I wrote..."Do you miss me?" He wrote back, "Yes, are you coming home? I have everything ready for us to play Lord of the Rings Risk? It was then I realized that this was for me too. I hurried home and we watched Lord of the Rings as we played Lord of the Rings Risk. Every time it mentioned a place Brandon would point out on the game the place that they were. They were trying to get back home. It took 20 hours of movies to do it...but they did eventually do it. We laughed and played in a way we never had before. As I was in the kitchen Brandon came to rub my back. I turned around and thanked him for spending time with us... and how much it meant to me, just as my mom did many years ago. I realized I now know how it felt. I was honored by my son. He has such a busy life. With work, a beautiful wife, a toddler, and a new born he really did not have time to spend with us. He decided it was important and did it. Dave and him stayed up from 8am till 4am laughing together. It was a gift that he gave. I thanked him and he said, "thank you, you bought all the food and stuff" . I looked at him and said, "The money for that was not important. The time we spent was..." It was so worth it. As we went to bed my husband looked at me and said, "That was so much fun! I didn't think anyone wanted to spend time with me...he wanted to be here, That was awesome." He too felt the specialness of the gift of time.
As I look at my last post I realize that it is exactly a year from today. So many crazy things have happened in this last year. That was the start of the corona . I wish I had written down all the amazing things that have happened in this past year. God has provided in so many ways. I started out so strong. I decided I was going to really get into God's word and spend quality time with God every morning. My daily devotions went from reading one chapter to sometime reading 30 chapters a day. My prayer time was growing, so I would spend sometimes over an hour in prayer. I felt so close to God and saw daily miracles. It was amazing. There were times when we would get a bill and we had no way to pay it and we would come home and see a gift bag on the porch with $200 in it. I would open up the mail and there would be a check for $500 in it. I am still amazed at how my father God took care of Dave and I this past year. We have had no viable income for over a year, yet every bill is paid. I honestly believe it was because I was spending daily time with the father God and he was showing us his favor.
This last year I have gotten a little lost. We have been receiving unemployment and frankly got lazy. Sunday morning we went to church up town. One song touched me in particular. The words were that God Longs to spend time with you. Two days ago I received a call from Jeanette. She is a wonderful lady who God gave me after my mom died. She was involved in Women's Aglo with mom and she just sorta showed up after she died. She has over these past ten years become a wonderful friend, a prayer worrier, and a second mom to me. I felt honored that the father God would take the time to lay me on someone's heart. It was an awesome feeling. When she calls me honey, I tear up because it reminds me of mom so much. We had not talked since January and she said God laid me on her heart, so she has been praying for me and wanted to see how I was doing. When I told her I felt a little lost she asked me how my Bible reading and devotions were going. When I told her she said, "Oh honey, you were doing so well you so well, you were such and inspiration to me. You can get it back. "
Last night I received a text from someone I have not seen or talked to in years...decades. She said she was going through her stuff and found a letter my mom wrote her. Here are her words. "I just found an old letter your Mom wrote me in 1976. I was 16. It was filled with much love and caring on a day when I needed it. Both of your parents had such an impact on my life. I am so grateful for her love of Jesus. I am going to try to do the Bible in in year again!" Just wanted to share this with you! As I saw moms handwriting my tears started to come. She had sent her a Daily Bible Reading guide. and a tiny bible with these verses circle..."The fruit of the Spirit is Love, Joy, Peace. She wrote these words. "These are the things we must have. Love, Joy and Peace to serve our God to the fullest. I want these things and I want you to have all this too. Love Mrs. P Burke" My response to her after thanking her for sending it to me was this, "I have gotten a little lost this year, but God keeps putting people in my life to remind me that he misses our awesome morning visits. Thank you for this it means so much to me."
I know this is a long post but it is such an important one. Every one of us, just like in the Lord of the Rings wants to go home. Where it is safe, where we are loved and where we know we are completely accepted. God longs so much to spend time with you. I have corner in my living room that was my prayer place. It was sacred because it was where I would pour out my heart to my father God. He would meet me there and fill me with His Love, His Joy, His peace... Just like it was an honor for me to spend time with my mom, how Brandon honored us by carving out a time in his life for us, and how God keeps placing me on peoples hearts....he wants us to come home. The words to the song, "Softly and tenderly Jesus is calling, Calling for you and for me, Come home, come home, ye who are weary come home..." This year has made many of us weary... It has been a long hard year. We need to realize that we are not alone.
